English
by Agent Dalton
Summary: Mulder. Scully. An overly excited kid. Aliens. English class.


English  
  
By Agent Dalton  
  
Rated PG (I think...)  
  
Summary: Mulder. Scully. An overly excited kid. Aliens. English class.   
  
Feedback: I put a lot of effort into this one and would really like some feedback.  
  
Archive: If you want to. Email me at Cello6909@aol.com if you're gonna  
  
Spoilers: Uh, no.  
  
Disclaimer: All yours, Mista C.  
  
This is dedicated to Al, who was killed by some teens in a bar a while ago. I'll be up in heaven sooner or later to jam with you, man. Hopefully you can get free things free up there, lol. We go the cable modem. Too bad you aren't around to get your free month.  
Love from me and the Mangiones.  
XxXxXxX  
  
"Scully, when you were a kid, did you like English class?", Mulder asked as he looked up from a stack of paperwork.  
  
"Of course not, who ever did?"  
  
"That's my point. No one likes English. I just don't know why. It has been bothering me for the longest time."  
  
"Mulder, I hope you're not gonna say-"  
  
"Scully, lets investigate!"  
  
"That's exactly it..."  
  
Mona Shores Middle School  
11:15 am  
  
"Mulder, they're not just gonna let us in", Scully said a bit impatiently.  
  
"Why not?", Mulder said as he got out of the car.  
  
"You need to have a kid that goes to the school. Even if you do they don't just let you cruise the halls."  
  
"Well first things first. We need to pick out a kid.", Mulder said as he pulled out a list of all the students.  
  
"Where did you get all those names?"  
  
"I got the Lone Gunmen to hack into the schools computers. They did it really quickly."  
  
"Oh. So, who are we gonna pick?"  
  
"How about Rachel Dalton? That sounds good."  
  
"Uh, I guess so. We can't call each other Mulder and Scully though. What are her parents names?"  
  
"Debbie and James"  
  
"Ok. So James, what class is this Rachel kid in right now?"  
  
"Well Debbie, looks like she just went to orchestra. Mrs. Rangel is the teacher."  
  
"Well, lets go in."  
  
MSMS Orchestra room  
11:17 am  
  
"Hi, Mrs. Rangel. Can we see Rachel Dalton?"  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Her parents, Debbie and James."  
  
"Yes, hold on just a second."  
  
The young orchestra teacher went and got a tall cello player. She told her something and pointed over to Mulder and Scully.  
  
"Uh, hi. Who are you?"  
  
"We're agents Mulder and Scully with the FBI. We had to pretend to be your parents so we could ask you some questions about your English teacher.", Mulder said as he and Scully showed her their badges.  
  
"Oh sweet, the FBI. Man, I just did this report on J. Edgar Hoover and all sorts of FBI stuff and stuff, man, this is like-"  
  
"Yeah, um, would you come with us?"  
  
"Of course!", the seventh grader said eagerly, "Where are we going?"  
  
"Our car"  
  
"Oh cool, a Fed's car! Do you have the stickers and stuff like that? You guys are so cool!"  
  
"Right... just come on."  
  
Mulder and Scully's car  
11:26 am  
  
"So Rachel, do you notice any strange things about your English teacher?", Mulder asked the girl.  
  
"Can you call me Dalton? That would be so awesome if real FBI agents called me by my last name."  
  
"Sure, Dalton."  
  
"Sweet!"  
  
"So, do you notice any weird things?"  
  
"Uh, she only has about four skirts and is old"  
  
"I was thinking more along the line of green blood or something like that."  
  
"Dude, do you believe in aliens too? Take me to your leader!"  
  
"Yeah. I believe in aliens. As a matter of fact, my sister was-"  
  
"Mulder, please don't get into that right now.", Scully interrupted.  
  
"Ok, sorry. So, do you notice any green blood or weird behavior?"  
  
"Not really. She is just an all around weird person", Dalton lowered her voice and grinned a little bit, "Or alien..."  
  
"Yeah, or alien."  
  
Scully sighed. Those two were defiantly some spooky people.   
  
"Why don't we go observe this English teacher?", Scully said, "We could determine what is *really* up with the English teacher and why all the kids hate the class so much."  
  
"Sounds good to me. Come on Dalton, show me where the English room is."  
  
Outside room 28, in a tree looking in the window  
11:37  
  
"That's Mrs. Ayotte, the English teacher", Dalton said as she pointed to an old woman sitting behind a desk with a stack of papers in front of her. "How will we figure out if shes alien or not?"  
  
"I'm not sure. What do you think, Scully?"  
  
"Geez Mulder, she is *not* an alien. All she looks like to me is a cranky old English teacher. She is nothing more than that."  
  
Dalton and Mulder just looked over at her with their mouths hanging open, and then at each other.  
  
"Dude, Scully", Dalton said, "of course she is an alien. If you want a cranky old teacher, go observe Miss Misze."  
  
"Ok, lets get back to figuring out how to prove Mrs. Ayotte is an alien.", Mulder said.  
  
"Why don't either of you guys get out your guns and just graze the side of her shoulder with a bullet and see what color her blood is?", Dalton said thoughtfully.  
  
"That might work, but what if she moves suddenly or there is a kid behind her or something?"  
  
"Who cares? None of the people in there are my friends except Zack. Just don't hit him.", Dalton said as she pointed to a blond boy in the back row. "I don't really care if you kill ol' Mrs. Ayotte, though."  
  
"Ok, I guess we could try that", Mulder said as he took out his gun.  
  
Mulder took aim and shot the teacher right on the mark. Green blood started to trickle out of the wound.   
  
"Woohoo! I knew she was an alien!", Dalton exclaimed. "Wait, what is happening?!"  
  
"Shit, I forgot that the alien blood makes peoples eyes get all weird before it kills them.", Mulder said.  
  
"You should have remembered that before you killed my whole English class, including Zack, Sherlock. He was gonna teach my how to play 'Crazy Train' on my bass today!"  
  
"Hey Dalton, settle down. I'll teach you how to play it.", Scully said.  
  
"Scully, you know how to play the bass guitar?", Mulder asked  
  
"Of course. I thought you knew that..."  
  
"No, I didn't"  
  
"Ok guys, can we please go and finish off Mrs. Ayotte?", Dalton said impatiently.  
  
"Yes, that would be a good idea. Come on, Scully."  
  
Room 28  
11:55 am  
  
"There she is!", Mulder said as he grabbed a mechanical pencil from a desk, "I know how to kill you!"  
  
Mulder ran up to Mrs. Ayotte and positioned the pencil right at the base of her skull.  
  
"Wait!", Dalton screamed, "don't we want to find out why English is so boring?"  
  
"Yeah, Mulder. That is why we came here", Scully said.  
  
"Ok then, why is English so boring, Mrs. Ayotte?"  
  
"You will have to kill me to find out!"  
  
"Ok, I will!"  
  
"Mulder, wait!", Dalton and Scully screamed together.  
  
Mulder jammed the pencil into the teachers neck. Green blood started to spew out.  
  
"We gotta go!", Dalton screamed.  
  
Back in the car  
12:00 pm  
  
"You are so stupid, Mulder", Scully said  
  
"Yeah, how is someone supposed to tell you something when they are dead?", Dalton said.  
  
"I, uh, I guess I just get carried away when it comes to aliens."  
  
"Now we are never gonna know why English is so boring. You ruined it all."  
  
"Yeah, I guess we will never know. Sorry, guys."  
  
And that is why no one knows why English is so boring  
  
Fin  
  
Author's notes: I tried to make this one more relevant and not so incoherent as my other stuff. I hope it was better.   
Now that I think of it, this fic is extremely stupid. Oh well, I'm posting it anyway.  
  
Love me? Hate me? Tell me.   
Give me feedback or give me death.  
  
  



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